I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
