You just made me feel so damn special
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Drunk is a universal language darling
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
