If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You ate ashes out of my bong
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize