Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
