new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
