I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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