I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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