I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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