goodnight i made you a song goodbye
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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