okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
