this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
