what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
