Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
