Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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