ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
