Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
