saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
