DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
