remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
