never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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