The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize