They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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