Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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