Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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