There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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