whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
