how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
