Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
