the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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