I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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