I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
pray to the hookup gods
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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