Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
