Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i will never coherently bang her
why do cheetos always look like penises
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize