What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
