im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
