I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
