This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you didnt know i had herpes?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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