Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
