so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
