I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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