It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
