no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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