Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
