I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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