come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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