So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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