Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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