i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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