had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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