Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I bet he comes in French.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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