My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize