woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
