I want to make a zoo with you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
