Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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