i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
