ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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