I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
