I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
