Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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