We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
