Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
