Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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