Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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