i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She even gives head with a lisp.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
