im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
