Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have post one night stand depression
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