I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
