He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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